Ask a Dead Squirrel

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Can squirrels be racist?

This one is! What a douche bag!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Are there acorns in that bucket?

No. I told this idiot that there are no acorns in the bucket. So what does this fuckface do? You guessed it, he goes in anyway. Now look at you! What happens when that freezes? It's almost winter! Yes I'm pissed. Why don't you just listen. You're such an asshole.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Can squirrels hang?

I have never, EVER seen a motherfucker put it away like Bucky over here. 8 shots of Jager, 4 Car Bombs, 4 Mind erasers...motherfucker's like a black hole of booze or some shit! I watched him do shots of Gordon's out of the ass crack of a chipmunk! He don't give a FUUUUUUUCK! You my boy, Bucky...I fuckin love you bro! HEADBUTT! AGH! YEAH!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Ask a dead...PIG?!

Oh sweet, succulent swine flu. How I love thee! I asked Smiley over here if I should be worried about swine flu. "I'm not", he replied. This surprised me because he looks a little feverish in this picture. Oh well, he knows best I suppose. Plus, look at that smile!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Do squirrels celebrate President's day?

Fuck yeah they do! Just ask my little friend Abe Lincoln over here. Uh oh. Looks like John Wilkes Booth got here before we did. That's OK fella, you're a part of history now...the history of DEAD FUCKING SQUIRRELS YOU RODENT FUCK NUT!!! STOP RUNNING AROUND MY ATTIC!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Which way is North?

This helpful little fella was just what me and the Mrs. needed on our little day trip of antiquing in New Hope, PA.
I wanted some vintage frames... she wanted used books...what's a couple to do?! We were raring up for a thin-lipped, passive aggressive, white couple fight when Bucky here helped us end our fight by pointing us in the direction of his favorite little antiquery: The Oak Hole.
Thanks little friend! It's getting hot out here, maybe it's time you run along!
(special thanks to the crone bone on this one)

Monday, April 27, 2009

Can stepping on a crack actually break your back?

The age old question that has haunted people with obessive compulsive disorder for years.
My furry little mate has proven that, yes, stepping on a crack CAN cause one to break their back.
If you look closely you can actually see his back; and a couple of organs. Unfortunately it's a little late for thank you's.